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MONSIEUR TONSONe 

A FARCE, 

IN TWO ACTS. 



BY WILLIAM T^MONCRIEFF, 

w 

AUTHOR OF 

Giouannr in London — Cheque on my Banker- 
Spectre Bridegroom^ &c. <^c, &c. 



*' Begar, here's Monsieur Tonson come again.*' 

\ J. Taylor, Ilsq 



AS PERFORMED AT THE 

THEATRE-ROYAL, DRURJ^LAN£. 



NEWYORK: 

PUBLISHED BY E. M. MUBBEN, 

Circulaiin^i Library <ind Dramatic Repository, 

so, 4 CHAMBER-STREET, 



18'i2. 



m^ 



"^M^ 



DRAMATIS PERSOISTM. 



lAi 



Mr^ Thompson 
Jack Ardourlt 
Tom King 

Monsieur More leu 
RusT'r - - - 
Useful - - - 
Fip - - . 

Naf^ (the WatchwanJ 
Snap - . - 
Trap - -. - 
Wan^em 
George - - - 



Mr, FoofE. , 
Mr. Barnard. 
Mr, Cooper, 
Mr. GATrjE. 

MRo MEREDlftt, 

Mr. Williams, 
Mr. Vining. 
Mr. Smith. 
Mr, Dobbs, 
Mr. Webster. 
Mr. Isaacs. 
Mr, Setmour, 



(otherwise Miss Thompson J ) 

Madame Bellegarde Mrs. Bland, 
Mrs, Thompson - Mrs, Knight. 



ScENE^-London. 



TiME-^AZ hours. 



MiMm umMM^^m 



iNSIEUR TON SON 




ACT I. 

SCENE I,— Hart Street, Bl€omshury,—Ev€' 
ning. 

Enter Adolphine haslihj. 
AddL Am I Id siifety ? Qooking around) Yes ; 
X have at icngUi eluded my [?ursuer. Uofortu- 
nute Adolpliiue I Is it uot enough that I am an 
emi£;iant from my native Fiaoce — that an impe- 
netrable mystery haugs over roy birth — that I am 
only prevented being ^vilolly dependant on the 
RK^iigre exertions of one as wretched as myself, 
for support, by the sale of a few trifling drawings, 
but, whenever, as now, I venture out, I must be 
the sport mnl prey of every libertine I meet ? 
(noue ivilhmiL) All ! let me fiy 1 he is here 
^--.i/; : — Wrelched, ^vietched girl ! {Exit has- 



Enter Ardourlt, in pursuit, 

Jlrd. Confusion I she has ' escaped me oixc 
niore— what an unlucky dog I am ; to beiiokl the 
ouly object I feel I can ever love merely to lose 
her ; never did tormeoting fate lead a roan astray 
with sueh beauteous Will o' the wisps as those 
piercin;; sparklers and twinkling little feet of 
iiersl she"o lost— I'm lost — we're both lost. — 

A 2 



MONSIEUR TONSON. 

What the devil shall I do ? Damme, TJl raise a 
hue and cry — I*]! — but uo, I'll not give her up. 
Yet, wluch way has she gone — whicli way must f 
^ ? Here's a stranger coming, I'll inquke if he's 
seen her. 

Enter Tom King. 

Pray,sir,have you seen a youcg woman EK 

why zounds, 'tis my old friend, Tom King ! 

J\ Kmg, What, Jack Ardourly ! inquiring 
after a petticoat in the neighbourhood of Mon- 
moutii-street? We shall have Cupid turning old 
clothesman next; but egad, my dear lad, I'm 
devilish glad to see you ; why, I hav'nt had the 
pleasure of meeting with you since your rich un- 
cle old Thompson popp'd so suddenly from the 
clouds, and made you presumptive lieir to one of 
tlie first fortunes in the three kingdoms; I con- 
gratulate you faith. 

Jrd. Congratulate me ! deplore me ! — W^liat's 
*he finding an old uncle, to the losing an angelic 
!;irl ? — W^hat's the favour of fortune to the malice 
of ffite? I'm the most miserable dog in existence, 

T. A7«xr. Miserable about a wench ! muslia- 
sivuck quite — ha ! ha ! ha ! some tea-drinking 
milliner I warrant her, playing at hide and seek 
to fmd some wealthy fool to wed her. Was there 
ever such folly? Oh! Jack Ardourly! Jack 
Ardoiirly ! 

ArcL Laugh at me if you please, but hear me. 
— If love is a folly, it is one I am up to my neck 
in. Ten minutes since my heart was as free as 
yours, but, as the mischievous spirit of Cupid 
would have it, making a short cut from Long's, I 



MONSIEUR TONSON* 5 

met a lovely girl who instantaueously effected a 
conquest of me ; I started my fair game in Soho, 
she (leclioed my attentions in Greek-street, bade 
me leave her in the most imperative mood ima- 
^i^ioable, assumed tragedy airs in Berwick street, 
gave me the slip in Cranbourn alley, and was lost 
in St. Martin's-lane. I track'd the dear angel 
again in St. Giles's, but again parted with her 
and my heart in 

T, King, Hart-street, Bloomsbury-square^ — ha ! 
ha ! ha I this is whimsical enough ; but what 
sort of a divinity is this walking Venus, this fly- 
ing goddess, this hunting Diana of yours? 

Ard. Her dress and manners are evidently 
French, but her person is heavenly — her - 

T. King. Ah ! 1 see, one of those pretty emi- 
grants, we have lately imported from Paris with 
other French toys, to adorn onr streets and amuse 
our leisure hours. I'll soon rout her, for you, my 
boy, we'll set out on a voyage of discovery di- 
rectly. What latitude did she s^il in ? 

jinl I last night miss'd her in this direction. 

T. King, Allons then ; y^ou shall find me as 
sharp as a needle in guiding you to this Polar 
Star of Beauty of yours. We'll search every 
Frenchman's house in London but we'll find her. 
We'll rummage Paddington, rout out Pancras, 
peep into Pentonville, summons Clerkenwell, and 
scour out the Seven Dials for her. 

Ard, And do you think we shall succeed ? 

T. King. When did Tom King ever fail, whea 
the object was to serve a friend and promote 
niu'th ? I'll make you happy my lad. Zounds, 
for a quiz, a hoax, a joke, a jest, a song, a dance, 



6 MONSIEUR TONSON. 

a catch, a tale, a race, or a row, Tom King 
would a't turn his back on any man in England. 
En't I the choice spirit of the day, the jolly dog, 
the roaring boy, the knowing lad, the rare blood, 
the prime buck, the rum soul, the funny fellow. 
Emperor of the Cockonians, Chairman of the 
Jacks, General of the Lumber Troop, Master of 
the Mugs, Chief of the Eccentrics, Member of 
DafFys', President of the Flounder Club, Foun- 
der of theSnus^s, pass'd Noble Grand of the Odd 
Fellows, and Vice of half the Freemasons' Lod- 
ges in the kingdom. Oh ! damme, Tom Ring's 
the man, so come along my boy. [Exeunt, 

Enter Thompson and Rusxr. 

Rtis. Well, well master, I don't mind letting 
you have the run of the key for an hour or two 
if I go with you, and you can show good cause. 

Thorn, I can ! I can ! these French <ira wings 
which I sent you to purchase in Rathbonc- 
place, that I might refresh my memory of Paris 
are subscribed with a name that has unsettled all 
my plans again. — See, Rusty, see — Adolphine de 
Courcy, the very maiden name of ray lost wife. — 
The owner of this name, lives, you say, in Sevea 
Dials. 

Rus, Aye, with Monsieur Moreblue, a French 
barber — one of your emigrants ; at least, so the 
man at the shop told me. 

Thorn, We will go to him directly; I must see 
this Adolphine de Courcy : she may be the wife 
I have so long lamented as dead — or more proba- 
bly, the child I have so much and vainly search- 



MONSIEUR TONSON. 7 

ed for. What aa unhappy man I am ! dooai'd 
iicvfi- lo know a momeut's rest. 

Rus, No ! I believe you never was so com- 
forts bie as when you were under my care in Ihe 
Ijastile. There you were properly looked after 
— uoihing lo disturb you. 

Thorn, True, true, all, I should never have left 
Eiif^hiiid, only I knew living was so (nucli cheap- 
er in France, and as I had but a very small for- 
tnne, I didn't wish to go beyond it — thai brought 
on all my misfortunes. 

Rus, Serve you right — you shouldn't have de- 
serted your country, merely lo save a shilling. I 
hope all absentees may have as much cau^e to 
repent it as yon have. 

Thorn. Hum ! then I should never have mar- 
ried my wife, the ^hief agent of all my trou- 
bles - 

This. As most wives are, mine v. as ; but she 
died in her confinement. She was confiiied the 
same lime you were. Why did you have one 
so much your superior in rank and fortune as she 

Tkom. What did I profit by it .^ When I dis- 
covered that the proud old Marquis her faihei, 
was never likely to consent to our union, didn't 
I marj'v her privately, and remove her into a re- 
tirfnjent ^vhere I thought no one would ever ha\ e 
.liscovered us ?— 

Pois. And were found out the very first thing. 
^ho Wfis sfcntto a Gunnery, and yen to the Bastile. 

TJium. It was a great misfoi line the re^volu? 
tion brenkiog out. 

Rus. Yes ; for then the mob broke in : you 
gainf^d yovfv libertv nod I lo. t my phc^^. 



8 iiiONSiElTIl TONS0?f. 

Them, I had become so used to every thing 
there — was bosom triends with a blue-bottle — 
had got on visitiriij; terms with a spider — was fa- 
vored with a daily call from a robiu reol-breast, 
and was intimate wiih almost every rat in my 
dungeon 5 there wasn't a stone in one of the walls 
I didn^t know and esteem. Heigh' ! 

Rus. Well? but you know you've gratified 
your old liking for the Bastile by building a house 
exactly on the model of it. Isn't your bed-room 
a perfect fac simile of your old cell, and hav'n't 
you ent^aged me to look after you as usual ? 
Bon't I bring you your victuals and lock you up 
exactly as I us'd to do ? 

Thom. You do, you do; but it's not the real 
thing after all. Failing in my search, for my 
wife and irjfant ^\x\^ 1 betook myself abroad — 

Rwu Where having been used to co-.finement 
under me, you didn't leave your plantation till 
you had acquired a princely fortune 

Thorn^ And no relation of the name of Thomp- 
son to leave it to,, only my sister^'s son. Jack Ar- 
douily. But, these drawings-:-this name— -I 
have a thousand hopes and fears ; let us hasten 
directly to satisfy them. 

Rus, Well, I don't mind granting you a rule 
of couit, as it's to transact your private affairs, 
you may go. 

TiiQiHe Heigho ! {Exeunt 

SCENE ir. 

i^xierior of Mottsicur Morhlcii\s House and Shop 
in the Seven Dials. ---A Watch Box at one cor- 
ncr — Night 

Enter 3ioN«iiEun siorbleu. 
Afar. Eh moa Dieu — J c ears tres faiigucj ysii\\ 



JICNSIErR TONSON. 9 

my great business ; all de head of the nation wish 
to be turn by me, and I am such a grand profes- 
^eur, I turn all de nations head. Coupee all 
dcre objection, short with dere hair; my close 
revolution crop silence every tine:; aid I make 

every man one Brutus. It is great change 

ma loi for me. in de Grand Nation undtT de 
ancienne regime, I was de general of de regi- 
ment ; here lam only de perniquier in general, 
only take de Anglois by de nose in de way of my 
occupation. Have nothing to do with any balls 
but wash balls— no oowder but dehair powder — * 
no chevanx de frize but de comb and de tongs^ 
that I friz de cheveux with; but vere is my 
hou?(keeper, Madame Bellea^Hrde— Ma-!ame 
Beilegarde ! — (Knocks at the doore of his shop 
-^Madame Bellegard, opens it and enters.) — Eh 
beln, Madame — me voici, here I am, «:lad to see 
you and de littel domicile— Comment vous portez 
cette bonne evening Madame. 

Belle. Merci, Monsieur tres joli. 

Mor. JoIi--ryou are joli comme un ange, que 
tu est charmentc, ma ci)ere Madame Bellegarde. 

Belie, Ah, Monsieur Morbleu, you have so 
niiu:li of de polltegse. 

Mor. Ha, ha, true ! true ! you remember Ma* 
dame, ven I use to walk de minuet vit you, twen- 
ty, thirty year aojo, in de Court de Versailles 
Oh ! 1' Amour, those vere bon temps. 

Belle. Ah, Monsieur, that was under de an- 
cieiuie regime. 

Mor. Owi, oui, in verite. — Times verv much 
different now, ma foi. Den I was Monsieur 
Morbleu, Chevalier Saint Louis and General de 
pivi^iou; and you were Madame la Marquise de 



]0 MONSIEUR TONSON* 

Bellegarde, dame d'honneur and grande Beau(e ; 
you very different ting now, Madame, and so am 
J ; now lam only one poor barber, and you my 
housekeeper of all work, to make de bed, gcrub d6 
board and clean the Jodgement Eh Mon Dieii ! — 
tut vere is my little Protegee, de petite Made- 
moiselle Adolphine — Orpheline de Courcy, pau- 
vre enfant — gone to sell her little drawing f 

Bel. Oui Mousieur, but she will be back 
prestement. 

Mor. Bonne Fil'e — b >niie (ille. She have de 
key and can get through the door without our 
stay up to open it; so I shall go to my nightcap, 
lor J am very much sleepy and il est si trU'd. 

Nap. f without J Pa^t ten o'clock I 

Mor, Ah, dere is Monsieur Nap de Vatch-a- 
rian, he is come for to go to his box. Yaw'aw — 
venez Midame, courage ! Lou^s le dv s'uee and de 
ancienrie regime shall come back hy-ai'd by, very 
often den we tread the minuet de Ja Cour to* 
gether again — La, la, lal de ral, de ral ! 

[Exeunt Morbleu, with Madame Bells- 
GAKD1?, into the hmtse, singing and dancing 
tiie Minuet de la Cour. 

Enter Nap, the Watchman. 

Nap* Past ten o'clock and a moonlight nighty 
— Well, I've gone my beat and cried the hour— 
so now I'll go into my box and have a comforta* 
ble snooze — Past ten c'ciock I 

[Exit into the box. 

^ Enter Adolpkine, hastily. 
AdJ. In spite of all my endeavours my pur- 
suer has traced me here — what will he think of 
the meanness of this abode, and what persecu- 
tioas mny I not expect from his atteniious ?- -S,t. 



HONSIECB TONSON. IS 

Louis preserve me — 'Tis fortunate I Imvit thfr 
key — they come — surely they will not att:€mpt 
to knock — at all event?, they will knock unan- 
swered by me. 

[Exit Adolvhi^f. into the house ^ tinlacking 
and loddng the door. 

Enter Ardourly and Tom King, in pursuit. 

T, King. Bravo, victoria ! victoria ! my boy I 
I told you Tom Km^ would do the business ior 
you — we've housed her at last. 

•^rd. Yes, tliere's the mischief of it — wliat are 
Tve to do now 2 

T. King. Why, unhouse her, to be surc^ 

j4rd. But how ? 

2\ King. Knock at the door, 

Ard. And run away ? 

y. King. A lover and run away — never ! — 
stand firm to the last — she may answer the d(>or. 

Ard. But suppose she shouid'iit, aiid any &Qe 
else should ? 

7\ Kins:. Then we've merely made a mistsiTcc^ 
that's all/ 

Ard. Vm afraid we shall be mistaken. 

7\ Kin^. Or, we can enquire for some one— 

Ard. Who ? 

1\ King. Oh I Mr. Jenkins, or Mr. Tomkans, 
or any one we are sure is not there. 

Ard, But we may be unlucky enou<rh to pitch 
upon the very name of some person who is thcie^ 

T, King To prevent that we'll enquire foi 
your uncle, old Thompson — we are very sure he 
is not there — so here goes. 

(Knocks at MorMcu's ifocn 

Ard. Stay, Ptay, what are you about ? 

^'. King. 'Tis done now. No answeir; tlte 
B 2 ' 



32 MONSIEUR TONSON. 

jjade suspects us. I'!l knock a^ain. (Knocks) 
They are all goue to bed — (listens J No, 1 hear 
the strikmo: of a light, I'!! expedite them. (Knocks 
n^ain ; peeps through the keyhole) Somebody 
< oming :• pat, pat, pat, pat. — What sti'auge ani- 
mal h«ve we here ? 

Ard. poubtless, the dear anojel herself. ( Mar- 
ble u opens the door and appears)Coi}i\mon''^ man ! 

Mor. Deux geiHilliomme, and so laie too. I 
riare say some rich customer want me to dros$ 
iieiD fiif de grind assembly to night. A votre 
service. Messieurs, what is your plaisir with me? 

T. King. I merely called, my dear friend, as 
J was passiijo your house, to know if— ^but I've 
disturbed your rest I fear ? 

3{m\ Oh point de tout, not at all. I am too 
fiiuck proud of the honiieur you confer par cette 
visite ma foi. 

T, King. You are very kind ; we merely call- 
ed, knowing: you are a man of information 

3Ior. Oh, sare, you do me grande faveur,Je 
vous rends mille traces, 

T, King. DonH mention it : We merely called 
to enquire, if among the persons who inhabit this 
street, oce Mr ThoiUpbon lodges here. 

Mor. Diable .Wdai ulll, and I leave my bed 
Dn purpose— Heigho ! (tiside.J i!^Oy sare; no 
Monsieur Tonson do live here I 

7^. King, Hiirj] — I'm sorry we troubled you, 
Wit I thou^^ht I'd just enquire : couldn'ut pass by 
your door without calling you know. 

3Ior. Oh, sare ! you are very polite — wish 
you were at the diable ! (aside.) 

T> King, Good night I take care you don't 
catch c«ld.-.r-Good night ! 

Mor. Bon soir, Mes«iein*9. Glad they are going ? 
Au re voir 1 Jtixit Morbleu- 



T,King, Mind your nish-liglit tlon't go out 
— tia ! ha ! l»a ! wan lliere ever seen so curious 
?.u animal ? Let us see i^hat species it belongs 
to. Leiid me your lauthorn, Charley, (takes 
Nap's lanlliornj and reads the inscription over 
MoRBLtt's ilocr.) '• Monsit ur Moibleu, Grand 
Fcrruqiiier in ^Ijliiaire, Coifciir en geueral,** 
ba I ha ! ha ! very well, Monsieur Morbleu, 
Grand IV rrnfjuier I it is au revoir, with us, in- 
jjeed. We wis! sjicedily become better acquaiu- 
tf d. Tiicre Charley, Ihert^s your lanthorn and 
» tiz7y for you, my boy. (returns the lanthorn 
anff gives Nap sixpence) Zounds, Ardourly ! 
ISil c'cspcrancliim ! 

Jrfh I muct — you see she does not appear. 
VVl^al's to be di/u^ now ? 

7\ Kiffg, Tiy agaia. Where is your rasp^ 
c»L Useful ? , 

jirt/. At my hotel. 

T, Kitig, Thru tliat's our point I cannot 
c^ccenily show my self again to-mcrht to Monsieur, 
therefore, we'll hrsten to the Sablionere You 
vri^e a paj^sionate billet to M^ss Morbleu, and 
let Useful bring i( — he's a sharp dog, and with % 
little cf my instruction, will soon offord us both 
sati^faction ^\)i\ amusement. Allons — au revoir, 
MoLsieiir Morbleu. Ha I ha! ha I 

[Exctfnt To^vi KiiSG> and Ardourly. 
Enter Nap, from box. 

Nap, Rum bjjtdrs, them 'ere; out on a lark, 
Irtckon! Wc!?, it's no business of mine, so 
Icng as they don'i come on my beat. Half-past ten! 
Enter Thompson and Rifsxy. 

Tms, I tell you, I'm sure this is the place; 
\)M\. we'll ask the watchman. Pray^^ my fiieocL 
iin't this the Seven Dials ? l 3 



1 4 MONSIEXTR TONSaN, 

Kap, (holdinsi; lanthwn to Rusty\s face.) 
Aye master ! to be sure it is. 

Rus, There I told you so. Whcre-aboutg 
does one Mour^eer Moreblue live ? 

iYap. What the barber — Idou'tkuow — that 
is I think — I can't tell. 

Rus. (to Thompson) lie thinks he caa't 

ten. 

Thorn* Give him a shilling. 

[ Rusty gives A^ap a shilling 

Kap. Oh, I know now — he lives right under 
your nose here — but he's gone to bed. 

Thotn, We nmet knock hini up, I cannot 
pause a moment, till my doubts are satisfied, 

Nap, Tbat^g your budness-^why the old 
Frenchman h..s quite a congregation to ru^ht« 
but I must go and call the half hour. Half past 
ten. [Exit Nap. 

Thorn. Knock Rustv, knock- — I cannot rest. 

Rus. No, nor you'll let nobody else rest — Ul- 
loa I (knocks at MorhleiCs door.) They're a 
long time coming. 

Thorn, Knock a^ain — try once more. %,^ T^ 

Rus. It's no use— however, suppose you wont 
be contented, so here goes. (Rusty knocks again) 

Thorn. DoQt you hear a window opening. 

Rus. Yes, there's somebody getting up in. the 
garret. 

Mor. IjOoking out of the garret window) Qui 
est la — Vat is there s'il vous plait ? vy you 
knock at the door of n)y maifeon if you arc so 
good ? 

Thow. 'Tis he, 'tis he, is your name Morbleu 
ftiy t»ood friend ? 

Uor. Qui mon ami. 



HOXSIECK TONSCN. i5 

Tho?n Come down instantiy. — 

Mor. Sacrtbieu — vat vil not (le matin do 
Slonsieur ? for I am in bed I 

Tkcm, No, it is a mutter of life and dej^th I 

Mor, Miscrecorde, dey vant rne to bieet! some- 
body. — Yell to oblige \ou Mousieiir. 1 shall get 
i?p 

7'kc7:i. Get up I zounds, my dear frifod, wo 
"want you to come down ! 

Mor. And put on mv rulotte. Restez la^ pour 
uu aiomenl— ileiglio ! 1 never can «:et any rest* 

(Exit in window, 
f Thorn He's comiu«; — he's comin£:~and now, 
thank heaven, I shall have all my doubts silent 
^d or confirmed. 

Enkr Morbleti ^rom Door, 

ISlor. Yaw aw ! Excusezir.oi, Monsieur, that 
I have no candel, but I have burnt my rttsh-light 
all away. 

Thmn. Make no apologies m^y good friend; the 
urgent business I come upon precludes all ceio- 
mouy. You have a lady under your care, bear- 
in<3; the oaroe of Adolphine de Courcy. 

Mor. Oui Monsieur, certair>ement, but she nev- 
er assitDlin dc shop. She never shave any body. 

Thom^ You doubtless then, must have heard 
ef a?i unfortunate man of !he name of Thompson. 

Mor. Diabje ! vol Monsieur Tonson corae 
again— No sare, I have heard of no Monsieur 
TonsoD-— I tell you so before, sare — no Monsieur 
Tonson do live here ; vat you mean by pull me 
out of my bed in dis way.— By !:ar, it dam bad 
rjaanner a;id no gentleman. 

Th&7K, But hear me? my good friend^ tiis Mf* 
Thompson—— 

b4 



16 MOKSIEIJR 'lOlSSON. 

Mor. All one cock and one bull — acd if yon 
cbJI r.w. up again, ma foi, I ghall cliargeyou vilij 
the Vatch> for keeping de bad hour — diable ! 

[Exit Movbleu iiilo house, shutting the doer 
in ThonipBou's Jficc, who vainly attempts 
to explain,] 

Them. I see iiow it is, these imperious De 
Courtjs Irave hired this fellow to keep my wife 
(for itis doubllvSbly she) btill iu their power — 
iUii ril have recire&H, V\\ goi to JBow-stieei — 
they've lock'd her up, and now — 

Rus. 'Tis hT«:h time I should lock you up. 

Thorn* J^ay, Rusty, \^7iy^ let us ^o in search of 
the police — I'll enter tiie Iionse by force — libe- 
rate my wife, and make a terrible example of 
I hose who'd detain her from my nrnis. 

l^Excunt Rusty and Thompson. 
Enter Useful. 

U^ef. So, (lie coajt is clear at last— I thoui::l]t. 
Uiose two old twaddlers would iiever h^ve ^tjue 
'^— Let me see — my iastructions are> under pre- 
?< nrc of inquiring for .Mr. Thompson, to endea- 
Tour to give this IrMrr u> Miss Morbleu. "Here's 
the house — now Um^ it — I Knocks at Morbleivs 
door,'] — No answer :— I'll knock again — \}\k\:\ ! 
get \m ! get up 1 — \ Kjiocking{rgwn violenlhjA 

Mor. [appeari/i^ji- at Iks garret window asoe" 
fore,'] — Eh, rrioa Dieii- is de makoa ou lire, dat 
jou knock so loud ? 

Uscf, No, but you're wanied — you must come 
down directly — I an) sefil here in an official ca- 

mcit^)s expressly tc but that is aLen to tlie 

tusiness — 

Mor, Regar. what does he say about his ofii^ 
(rial rnpati'y and de ?]Icn business— I must hmt 



• » MONSIEUR TONSOK. 1 7 

dc !)iense?nce, de courtesie to liim — (aside. )'^ 
1 res bieii Monsieur ofFicier — I shall come dowo 
iiiStanterr.ect — iiow J[ am broke of my sleep; 
lieiiiho ! l^Exii at nindoiv. 

Use/, So far so ^ood ; — let m« hut oqcc effect 
?.Ti entrance — VW soon accomplish all the rest. — 
Kh ! here olrl Soup Maigro comes. 
Enter McnisLvv frc^ji ike hmise, snecmrfg, as if 
from having newly cui/ght cold. 

Mor. Now, Monsieur officier— sare, I am at 
your comiiiaud — if you ihiuk so good, bonne 
grace. 

Use/. I mereij called Mr. MoybSesi to inquire — 

Mor. Yes, bare. 

Uf>ef. If there was one Mr. Thompson— 

31or, Vol, Monsieur Tonson again .* 

Uycf. Yes, one Mr. Thompson — 

Mcr, Diable, vot you meao, sare— ycu d?m 
scoundrel, by cofr;e again ? — vot yoa pjeHn by 
Monsieur Tonsnu, lo bieak my sleep in dis mnQ- 
iicr ? — f told you two cne, seven time, dere no 
Monsieur I'or.son here — I know no Monsieur 
Toneon — ojot dam ! 

U'^ef. Well, but my good friend, you needn't be 
so such a passion — if you don't ^naw vbere Mr. 
ThomptK)n lives — I daresay Miss Moil5li6;u does 
—If you'll just have tlie goodness to call hfer up 
— or your servant will do — the housekeeper — 
any body. 

Mor. P,irbleu, dis ATorse di\n all — you not 
routeiit vilh pull meout of my bed dese tree time 
\\\([ your darn Monsieur Tonson; btU now you 
A«aot to pidl my ward Mademoiselle Adoipliioe, 
9t\(\ my Ir iisekeeper, Mndame Belkgarfie, out of 
ticd too — Vat i!:ey know about Monsieur Too 



fim!Vffm';.ilW^\^- ■ \ '' ■'*':^''rK'jy.7»w^^v^" ""ppr , ■>->- >.»<H)r-"?^i%VY, , -n^^-^ 



13 MOKglEUB TONSON. 



"€011? You use me tres maiivais — I never wn% 
use so under de aacienne regime ma foi — it af- 
front my honneur-r-l shall not put up with it — I 
will have dc satisfaction, I shall give you to de 
vatch — I shall make a charge of jou — Monsieur 
Vatch ! — ('calls J — he shall put you ia his box — 
Monsieur Vatth ! — (calling.) 

Usef, Hey, callin*r the watch? Zouads, I may 
«jetin the wioog box here — I'd better be oft*. — 
Bon soir, Monsieur Soapsuds. \^Exil Usfekul. 

Mor, Run away ! — begar I am sorry 1 did not 
run him through. But he shall uot get off so 
i;vell— Monsieur Vatch \ Monsieur Vatch, I say 
— (calling.) 

Enter Nap. 

Nap. Eh, who wants the Watch ?— Here I am 
r — why, hang me if it 'ant Monsieur Powder Blue, 
-the barber — wh^^t's in the wind now ? Cousarn 
it, I hope there hasn't been no rogues breaking in, 
and running away wiih tiie pomatum— has there ? 

Mor, Torse dan dat, Monsieur Vatch — I no 
raind de. pomatum, run away — dis hot weather — 
hwl dat dam Monsieur Tonsou run away too. 

Nap. Eh, Mounseer Townseud — who's he ? 

Mor. Oh, by gar, me no know — me no want 
.to k ipw—rhe come here seven, two, tree time, 
and pull me out of my bed; besides knock m^^ 
door down — and now I will have him knock 
,^own, von dam ra.scal— you shall vash him ven 
lie come again, and I i^hall give you him to keep 
for ever, and lock him in your house, Monsieur 
-Yatchr— in your dam bJack hole, vere you live. 

Nap. Why now you speak of it, Mounseer, I 
think I know the rascal-^isn't ihis Townsend a 
^tvy ill looking fellow? 



MONSIEUR ITONSOlSr. 19 

Mor. Oh! ties mauvais, tres mauvais, nasty 
fellow, o;veat blaguard, me never saw any man me 
like to see vorse — he come here to enquire after 
liis relacioD, ma foi ; but me no be couzcu in dat 
way. I shall charge — by gar I shall charge- 
charge him with you. Monsieur Vatch. 

N^ap. You can't do better — Fil take care of 
him. 

Mor. Dit is right — you need not be fear, I 
h^ve been great general, an I I shall help you— • 
;^es, when (]ey come, I shali-^ 

JVap, VVhy, here they are, 

Mor. Get behind the door — you can lay a wait 
till dey mention dere name, and den we will rush 
out — break dere neck several times-^stop dere 
mouths — knock dem down, and lock dem up. 

JVap, Good, very good, Mounseer — I'li do it 
—away with you. 

[Exit MoRBLEu in house. Nap in box. 

Enter Thompson afid Rusty, followed by Trap 
CLnd Wa-Ntem. 

Ikam, Now, my good fellows, you know what 
you've got to do — ^this is the hause. 

Trap. Aye, aye, vere sly, master. We'll do 
the right thiqg, depend on't. 

Thorn. Insist on seeing the lady. 

Trap., Make your miu<l easy^ we'll rummage 
lier out= 

Them. Knock at the door at once, and never 
fenr but you'll be properly rewarded. Come, 
Rusty, let us look on. Stand aside! stand aside! 
[Rusty and Thompson sland aside. 

Trap. Now, master Wautem, you tattle the 
tell tale, and I'll open the business. 

]ranU Aye, aye I'll knock. 

[Knocks at Morblpu's door. 



20 iilONSIEUR TONSON. 

JBnter Morblftt. 

Mor, Yell, vot you vant ? Vol make you 
here at such late hour, if I am so bold ? 

Trap, \V e' v^ a small bit of business w ith you 
Moun^eer. 

Mor. (aside J Qui, diable! and I liave a 
^w:i\\ hit o\ b»it.iuess with you by and bye. 

Trap, We've come about Mi» Thompson"*s 
nOair 

f Mar./l thought it was Mounsieur Tonson; 
oui, and uo\s you sliall go to de diable : venez 
ici Mounseer Yatch, dis Mounsieur Toason — 
knock him down — lock him up. 

Thonu Hey, what the deuce is the meauiDg 
of all this. 

I^ap. Crushing out and seizing Trap and 
Wantem.) So I've got you at last, have 1 ? I'll 
leach you to come knocking at peoples' doors at 
this time of ui«;ht. 

Trap. Zounds, Watchoy, what are you at ? 
You're oa a wrong scent ; we're from the Public 
Office. 

Mor, But you shall no make a public office 
of my maison, ma foi. 

Trap, We're sent bj Townsend. 

Nap. Aycj aye! that', the name, it's all 
right. 

Trap, We've come about a gentleman's re- 
lation — but I'll tell you the whole pedigree on it. 

Nap. We kiicw all about it Master Town- 
fserid ; you must'nt come after your relatiocg here. 
Trapi Zoundrr, f'nt you awake? 
Mor. Oui , you take dum good care of that 
2vloasieur Toason — lock him up. 

f^ap. Ayp, aye ! to the watch-house with you. 
Ruf<, ioMde to Thompson) Lock him up, Vll 






MONSIEUR* TONSON. 21 

t^pare them that trouble tv'ith you master — come 
aloD^:. 

Thorn, But Rusty — 

Rus. It's no use — safe bind, safe find. 

[Exit RvsTY forcing off Tho3IPSon. 

Trap, But I tell you you dou't understand 
the business. 

Mor, JVor we no want Monsieur Tonsoa. 

Nap, No, no, Master Townsend. 

[ryprings rattle . 

Trap. Hey ! others comino: ! then here jjoes 
for a fair pair of heels, and the devil take the 
hindmost. 
[Trap trips tip Nap and Morbleu, and exits 

hastily nnih Wantem; Nap aw// Morblfu 

get up and follow in pur suit, ratile$ spri?iging. 

SCENE III.— Exterior of the Sablioniere Hold 
in Leicester Square, — Rattles heard without , 
at a distance, ' 

pnter Usefut^, hastily. 

Use. By Ihose rattles, it would seem, the 
vatchmea that cursed Frenchman sef»t alter me 
are close at my heels, li^s lucky IVe reached 
my master's hotel, that I may get hous'd at pnce. 
{rings bell violently.) Here they come ! but they'H 
be disappointed for once. 

Exit Useful into Sablionere. 

Enter Thompson and Ritstt, hastily. 

Thorn. Are we out of their reach. Busty? 
Yes; they've taken another direction, so we 
may stop and breathe a bit. 

Rus, It's all my fault, I shouldn't have let 
you stop out. I mi^rht have knoivn no good could 
come of it. But come, let us home to bed. 



22 310NSIEUII TONSON. 

Thorn. 'Twill be of do use ; I shall not be a* 
ble to sleep a wink. I must make another at* 
tempt— it is now near daybreak — I'll throw my- 
self on a sofa for an hour or two, and the first 
thing in thp morning we'll set off to this barber 
once more ; as he only saw us in the dark, he'll 
not know us ajjain, and under pretence of fr^ttir^g 
dress'd and shav'd by him, I can sound the 
$coundrel, and perhaps pump the truth out of him. 

Rits. Pump the life out of him — I would if 
I had my will. 

Thorn, You must indid^e me in thi?, Husty, if 
you keep me in for a twelvemouth after it. 

Rus, Weil, w elk you always coax me over : 
I'm the most tender hearted keeper ia ChiisteQ- 
dom— come a]on<:j. 

Thorn, St^y, who are these P 

Mnicr Tq3i Kikg, Akdourly, anrf Useful, 
from Sablioniere. 

T. King. Hai ha! ha! Old Thompson lit- 
tie tlunks how w^ are amushig ourselves at his 
expence. 

Thorn. What ! 

T. Kins;* And so the Frenchman cali'd for 
Jhe watch did he ? 

Thorn. My expence^ — old Thompsonr— the 
watch ! — what does all thi^^ mean ? As I liv e, 
my ?:raceless nephew ! Oh ! oh ! I see it all. 

71 King. IJlloa ! what pair of antiques are 
these? From what curiosiiy shop have they es- 
$:aped ? 

Thorn. Oh, you rnscal ! (to Ardcurly.) 

Ard. My uncle ! — confusiQ-] — I'm rnin\l-rr 
}iow the devil shall J get oif ? 



^lOSSISUR TONSON, 23 

llwm. You villain ! biit VW-^frattks heard 
wUhoul.J^^liey ! they're coraiug, Rusty — we 
shall be taken in custorly. 

Rus. Not so, you^re in my custody now, so 
corce along. 

Thofn. You shall hear of this, rogue. Oh 
dear ! oh dear ! 

[Exit Thompson taken off by Rusty. 

T. Kin^. Hal ha ! ha I why, the old boy's 
off like a shot ; he's getting into l]is feecoud 
ciiildhood ; frightened at the sound of a rattle. 

Ard, 'Tis a lucky escape for me, faith ; he 
wouldn't hKve gone off so quickly if he had 
knouu those watchmen are in search of his hope- 
ful ne 'hew. 

r. King. We must carry on the war ; the 
old Freiiclunan shall have no rest till you have. 
We'll storm his castle again to morrow night ; 
Tliompson is the watchword, love the object, 
Tom King the leader, and victory must follow— 
(rattles heard nearer.) — Hey, damn it, here 
they are : let's be off. Ha ! ha ! ha ! 

[Exeunt T031 King, Akdourly, awt/UsEFui^, 
hastily. 

END OF ACT I. 

ACT II. 

SCENE I. — Interior of Monsieur Mosbleu's 
^hop* 

Madame Bellegarde discovered. 

Belle. Monsieur no return vith Mademoiselle 
Adolphine. How loBg de time does hang— 



24 JdONSIEUR TONSON. 

Heigho ! in ma Patiie, de hour always pass 
quick as de minute ; here, it so dull and so clou- 
dy, dat pauvre Time can no see his way, but 
creep, creep, creep, as slow as de old vatchman. 
Ah, Fi ance ! bien aime I — me only wish to liv<", 
to die vith you. 

SONG. 

Air, " Parlant pour la SyrkJ^ 
Oh France, beloved native land, 

Though far from ihee exiJ'd, 
Still shalt thou fust in memory stand, 

By no new change beguil'd. 
Ah ! may no saVage spoilers dare 

That fnvoui'd land enslave, 
Whose Fair are still the fairest fair ! 

iler brave — the bravest brave ! 

Oh France, with every iriory brior|jtj 

What can thy thought destroy ^ 
In memory still our heacou light, 

In hope our only joy. 
Ah ! form'd to banish every care, 

Thy plains are sorrow's grave : 
Thy daughters are the fairest fair, 

Thy sons the bravest brave. 

[Knock ivUhcnt.] 
Misericorde! mc hope dat is do Monsieur Ton- 
sou dat come last night, come again. I shall no 
open de door till I know ; qui est ia, who is knock 
dtvt ? 

Mor. [without.^ Ouvrez la porte—C'cst moi 
mad^ me. 

Belle- Monsieur himself. It all t\gl\[—rnprn9 
Oie door) — and Mademoiselle too — 

Enter Mohbleu and Aj>or.rHiNK» 
Trcs biea ve:;u IT!^- ?r-^^. 



i 



MONSIEUR TONSON. !'«> 

Mor, Merci, Madame — volla moa enfant — We 
have reach fiome safely at last ! You never shall 
^o out by yourself to sell your drawing, uuless 
}ou are alone, if you no like, any more. 

AdoL Indeed, sir, 1 Ijave but loo good cause 
for apprehension — The horrid attack made on 
me this morninj; — 

Alor. Ah ! by d^^t dana Monsieur Tonson ! Di- 
able ! he one pe-te; he not content v/ith come 
and call nie up all night, but he return the first 
thing to-day to be dress and shave, and when I 
ran for the constable, he rash to you all r:'zor 
and Idther — swear you belong to hiin, and make 
you faint with de apprehension ! Me hope he 
will no come again to-night. 

Belle, Sans doute it was some pr.uvre maniac. 
You see his keeper took him away par violence. 

31or, K eper or no keeper, I wish he would 
keep away from me, mon Dieu ! But you are mis- 
take, Madame — Dis Mons'eur Tojson is sent by 
de Convention to kill us, because we are friend 
to de Grand Monarqae and de ancienne regr-ne. 

Bdle. Misericorde! we must be much carefuL 

jMor. I shall not open de docir never, nor go 
any where in all de world at all without you, Ma- 
dame, dat if dis Monsieur Tonson should kill us, 
we (nay be witness for one another to get him hang, 

AdoL How much loniirr, my generous bf^nefac- 
tar, aai I to trespass on your }>oiinty ? Is there no 
clue by which I can discover my parenth ? 

i\]or^ None dat I know of. ma foi — When de 
llevokition broke oat, de M irquis de Courcy, 
my great friend, send for me to de Corjciergerie, 
where he was wait to he guillotine, commit you 
to my care as une pauvre orpheline dat belong to 
the fdmille — -cfear^e me to take you to England 



^8 moNsxEUR Tcmsow. 

und briJig you up — give nie fie trlqket aud de 
letter dal I ^ive you, and fiuibli de sad tale by 
having his head chop off de next day ! 

aSI^ And did he not reveal the oame of my 
parents ? 

Mor. No ; he no tell me who was your pere, 
nor who was your mere. He bid nie call you 
Adolptune de Conrcy, and prize you as the last of 
his maison. 

j4doL Unhappy man ! — unhappy Adolphine I 

Mor, It great iijisfurtune certainnient, but 
pourqiioi you grieve ? 1 protect you. You no 
want father nor mother while I live, and though 
we no much rich, dis genereuse nation never suf- 
fer even her enemy to want, but relieve de people 
in distress one day, they kill very much in de 
battle the next. But come, it is supper time, and 
we will go to be^l for I am one ^rreat deal sleepy, 
and must dornrir for to-nlglit and last night all in 
one — Venez, ma chere Adolphine — Venez Ma- 
dame, we will go and get our supper. 

[Exeunt omnes. 



SCENE IL—£zt€riar of MoKEi^Ev's Shop. 
Enter Tom King a7t(l Ardourly; 

T. King^ The sly old Fox thinks he's got the 
young Chick all to himself, but he*s mistaken, 
and so is Madame Partlctt the Heu— we'll soon 
draw tl'.em out of their coop — Yes, now to begin 

our holy work for the evening ' Thompson's 

.T^^ight Thoughts.' 

Ard. And do you think it will be of any avail ? 

r. King^ I do; but if we fail again iu attempt- 



I 



MONSIEUR TONSOK. Z< 

in*^ to effect aa ^atranccviu their very teeth, we 
must resort to stratagem. I have a scheme al- 
ready prepared that must succeed — vive la ba- 
gatelle ! 

Ard, Thou art a strange orenius. Thy godfa- 
thers mistook when they christened thee Tom 
King — they should have Qameri thee Joe King-— 
for such thou ever art — I trust all to tliee. 

T, King. You shall not be disappoiu^od. Now 
then, for a coaxir^g, insinuating piece of street- 
door eloquence^ that shall draw this old French- 
m:in through a deal board. I'm acquainted with 
every species of knock, from the single tap of the 
dan to die thundering lom, torn— torn, torn — tom- 
a-vom a-tom-tom of the fashionable footn'^n — 
M^rk lids — [Knocks at Mcrbleu's door.] I hear 
somebody — th(\ are wailino: for us—Hush — if I 
can trust my ears, Monsieur and bis rib are dis* 
putiug which shall come first— wordjy souig. 
they're so anxious to receive us — listen. 

Mor, [wHIwi.] Pardonnez moi Madame, dc 
Marchioness always rank before de g;e«ieraL 

Belle. [wHhm.] Non, de general always go 
first — de femme go with the baggage. 

Mor. [wUhin.] We will split de difTcrencc, 
and go side by side — you shall unlock de bolt, 
while I unbolt de lock. Now, Madame. [ Tkc 
door is opened^ and Morbleu and Madame Bel- 
leg a rde appear.] 

T. King. Serviteur, Madame. Your most 
obedient, Monsieur. Pray, can you inform me if 
one Mr. Thompson lodges here ? 

MoTn By gar 'lis Monsieur Tonson come 
agfiin ! — Rascal, villain — get from my sight — get 
from my door. I shall be hang for you at once, 
and kill you outright, if you no go. Oh, dat I 



28 MONSIEUR TONSON. 

had my regiment here lo charge you with theiif 
bayonet. 

r. King. It would be of no use my good 
fiiend ; hi ihe pes forma nre oi my duty an army 
wouldn't turu me. I have a sacred tru^t to ex- 
ecute in finding out Mr. Thomi^son, and all )our 
threats will be of no avail. I am couviuced he 
is in }our house. 

3for. He is no in n\y house, I say. By ear he 
is no in my hou^e. Siu\ men houneur, he i* no 
in my house., 

T, Kuii^, That \yti must ascertain in peison — 
We must search your house. 

Mor Vat doubt my honneur — search my mai- 
sor. — I that hav-^ been great general ? Sacie- 
hleu, I will be revenged. Dere is no Monsieur 
ToHron here; I know no Moiisienr Ton^ori. My 
housekeeper, who was gre»i Marchioness, know 
dere is tm Monsieur Tou?(>n I'.ere. 

Belle, Non. non — Mon.^ieur is rl^ht — dere is 
no Mofis'eur Tonson here. 

T, Kini(. We must fulfil our duty — 'lis painful 
to us to 

Aior. You shall no search my house. 

T. Kimr. But necessity . 

AIoK Krep at one (■istaite. 
. Belle. You eliall no Ci>me in. 

T King^ W*^ must not stand on ceremony, my 
good fiiend, so I shall take the liberty to 

Mor. Sl)ut tlie door in your face, ma foi. 
[Ereunt Morbleu mid Bellegardi., shttt- 
tinz the door in King and Ard'tjrly's 
jacf, Jftsl as they are on the poiiil of (jj'cct- 
itig an entrance. 

T. Kiuir. Ha \ ha / ha .' fairly shut out, by 



p 






MONSIEUR TONSON. 



Jove — the portcullis let down just as \re'd cross- 
ed the bridge. Is Useful in waiting? 
Arfl. He is at the Sablionere HoteL 
T, Km^' Now then for stratagem. Durir* 
the dfiy, I took the liberty of furnishi; g myself 
\\ith the iippression of Monsieur's street-door lock 
in wax — a skilful blacksmith has made me a key 
accordingly. I will now £0 and instruct Uselul 
how to ^et the old Frenchman out, by some plau- 
sible story. He once out, well slip in, and while 
you improve the moments with Miss, I'll make 
Jove to the old woman. 

Ard, Tliis indeed promises something. On'y 
let me have an opportunity of expressing my 
passion to the dear girl — of proving my disinter- 
estedness — my sincerity — and I am happy. 

T. King, Allons, my boy, it shall be done-*. 
v;t'\\ about it ijiHtarjtly — au revoir, Monsieur. 

[Exeviit Tom Ki^g and Ardoukly. 
Enter Mokblf.u and Madame Belleoarde, 
creeping cautiously from the house. 

Mor. Prenez garce, Madame. Ob, it is nil 
right, dat dam Monsieur Tonson is go away. By 
gar he is one fantome; but we will lay him — 
you shall put one pail of water in de garret win« 
dow, aiid when he come again, we will drovrn hirn 
for one witch. 

Belle. Oui, and den we shall know which one 
he is. 

Mor. Tres hien, tres bien; we will lay and 
wait for him together in de garret Madame, stkI 
he shall find it never raio, but it pour water. Dls 
war, Madame. 

\^ExeuHl MoRB-LEu and Madame ceretTm- 
niously into the hause, 
c 2 



*^v,^>,; 



fV.) MONSIEUR TOMSON. 

Enter Thompson and Rusxr. 

Rus. Well, well; on condition that you staiii] 
on one side and don't interfere, I have no objec- 
tion to another application heing inad€ to this old 
Mojaseer, but it must be Jeft all to me — you 
shall see how I'll manage things. If I don't ob- 
tain something satisfactory, Pii give you leave to 
lock me up all the rest of my days, only you 
keep oat of the v/ay. 

lliom. I'll not meddle, though I should like 
to have a hand in it. (retires,) 

Rus. You shall see how the Frenchm-an will 
shower his information on me, directly I apply. 
Are you quite out of the way ? 

Tkom. Yes. 

Rus, Then I'll commence operations. 

[Knocks at Morbleu's door, — Morbicu looks 
out of window. 

Mor. Vat is dere ! Who you want, sare ? 

Rus, I'll open the affair at once — [aside.) — I 
come from Mr. Thompson, about Mrs. Thomp- 
son or Miss Thompsor>, whichever it is you are 
keeping so snugly here. 

Mor, Yot, Madame Tonson come as well 
as Monsieur Tonson ! and Mademoiselle Ton- 
son, too ! Diable, we shall have Maine 

Tonson and de whole famille of de Tonsonsnest 
— me fear one pail of waier will not be half 
enough — I must get de I^ew River turn on.— 
{aside.) 

Belle, [peeping over Morhhtis shoulder) YoTt 
nre von great story, sare — Monsieur here keep 
no Madame Tonson, no Mademoiselle Tonson-^ 
he keep no woman but me and Mademoiselle 
Adolphine. 

Mor. Non; Madame is right-^T keep np 



MONSIEUR TONSON. 3 

woman but' clem — dere is no Tonson lirre as I 
tell yoM before. 

Bus. Come, come, tins won't do ; I'm n . to 
be sei»t olf Avitli such an answer as this. 

3I(n\ Non- — deti by gar 1 ninsf a/^gwer 5 on 
iavon oder nav. 

Rus» 1 knew 1 should get something move fioin 
bim. 

Mfir. Bat first, permettez moi to ask you on« 
qii''StTOf>, sart — Avez vous haii your su[)[)ere ? 

Hus Supper ! — no, to be sure I haven't. 

A/<?r. Den I shall «:ive you some ting by way 
of one wet tostny your stomach '^till you have-.— • 
«!ere. Monsieur Ton>on, take d^L^.-^C Empties rva- 
Ur mi Kiisty.) 

[Exntfit Thnnipson and Rusty, hasliltfy 
calling out murder^ Sic. 6tc. 

Enter Morbleii. 
Mor. Ila ! ha ! ha I dat dam Monsieur Ton* 
son has got one diy k lor hib supper. Qui, oni; 
l»p hiis had de wr»tf r, and now he will ^^\^\\ for de 
^re, so 1 shall si:ive h'^m one warm reception de 
ifcext time he come. Vere is Monsieur Yatch— 
^lonsieur Yatch ! 

Enter Nap. 

NaT). Here I am, Mounseer — but it*s not my 
lime yet. 

Mor, Yere is your great big blunderbuss ? 

Nop, At home. 

Mvr. You shal! £0 and fetch it, load it with 
pfuwder and Ihtlepeas, so dat it may not kill any- 
body, den po up and ke^'p wa^ch in mr gari( t, 
and ven di- iton ieur Tonson come ag'*iiu shoot 
hiiu, and make him all over plump pudding; dese 



o2 MONSIEUll TONSOK. 

Auglois like dat. Oui ; you shall pepper him 
all over, for one seasorring ; he has had de duck, 
now he shall have de peas. 

iVflp. I'll take care he shall smell powder, 
Mounseer, but I mustr/t go off my beat iu this 
coat — ril put it m my box till I come back. 

Mor, Do ; dere is de "key of de street door — 
you can let yourself in when you come back, and 
take yonr post in de garret whenever you like. 

Nap, That won't be lonji, my cellar e'nt far ofK 
[ Ptdls off his watchman* s coat, puis it into 
his box J and exits. 

Mot. Dat settled, I can have some sleep once 
more — fur 1 am very large sleepy. [^Exit Mor. 
Enter Useful. 

Use. Wfieedlc the old Frehchman out — hang 
liim, he's just gone in — but I must obey instruc- 
tions.— (/moc/j.s at door,) — ^Now for a good round 
lie. — (knocks again,) — Zounds, the Frenchman 
don't come. 

Mor, (above.) It no do, Monsieur Tonsou — 
you have change your clothes for no purpose at 
all — I shall not cofine down — you had better call 
again in one half hour to come. 

Use. My dear friend, you entirely mistake; I 
come from no Mr. Tonson; 1 don't know any 
such person ; I come for you — you are wanted at 
Court immediately. 

Mor. Court ! — by gar, den Louis le Desiree 
!ias sent for me to be shave. Oui, oui; I Avill 
come down directly— any ting to make my way 
to de Court. [_Exit in rvindofv. 

Use. Mt; bites — Court I — yes, he shall go to 
St. Martin's-couit,and there I'll leave him — th«re 
jiever was such a fellow as Useful — m^ master 
Kever had Useful's fellow. 



MONSIEUR TONSOK. 33 

Enter Moi bleu /rotn House, 

Mot. Now, sare, I am here all ready — tout 
pret. 

Use. Ready to pray, Monsieur! nonsense; — 
are you ready to walk? because it you are, aU 
lons^ i'or we haven't a minute to lose. 

Mo]\ Oh, oui, certainnient— apres vous, Moa- 
»eur. 

U&e. Damn ceremony — this way f this way ! 
[Exeunt Morbleu and Usel'uL 

1 Enter Tom King and Ardourly. 

^ Mni:^, There they go — ^the old fox is bagg'd— 
Ipow, then, to try it" the locksmith's daughter is 
Uae to us; — here^s a clear coast and a lair oppor- 
taaity. (Opsns do(>r.J — Yes, it's a!i ri«hl — the 
^oor is open— love invites you — tlie rubicon lies 
ivefore you— you have only to cross it and b^ 
fcappy, you do^, 

Ard. Ten thousand thanks — but you - 

KiHf^. On second thoughts, I'll keep watch 
^thout here, to guard ai^jainst surprise; in with 
you. Wliere can 1 conceal myself^? Hey! 
rounds, this w;itchbox — is there anv body in it I 
What's here? A watrh-coat, rattle, and Ian- 
thorn. — Where's the owner? Tempus higit ? 
Aye, and the chronicler of time hath flown too. 
As h'^^s deserted his post, TIJ make bold to take 
it. — [Dresses kmself in Nap's coat, &:c )— Now^ 
then, I'm ns good a watchman as any Charley 
among them. — Past ten o'clock, and a stavdiiiht 
nmvinng I l^Exeitnt Tom King into watchbvXj 
and Ardourly into house — the for- 
mer criming the hour grotesquely^ 
c 4 



S4 HONSIEUR TONSON. 

6CFNE II. — Ati apartment in the house of Mor- 

bleu. 

Enter Adolpliine. 

Adol. Why am I unprotected thus ? Few fond 
memorials of parents belov'd, though uoknown — 
What fiope have 1 from thee : dear nameless 
image of a mother's beauty [-^[looking at a m* 
T.iature which she takes Jrom her bosom] — brief 
records of a father's love. — [looking at letters.] — ir^ 
The darigf r that forbade the hazard of a name * 
before, for ever shuts out all disclosure now, and ; 
I must still live on, hopeless, joyless, kinless,/ 
friendless ! [ Ardourly appears stealing ir^ 

Ard. Not so, sweet ^irl — here at tiiy feet kneelf 
one who would be friend, kin. all to thee. 

Adol, Ha ! rash youth ! what brings you here* 
at this untimely hour ? How did you gain ad-^^ 
mittance — surely I have not been betrayed ? ^' 

Ard. Banish your fears; I cannot live wnthoTir 
you. — As a proof of my sincerity, I will this mo^ 
meut conduct you to the altar. J" 

AdoL For heaven's sake, sir, I conjure you. 
leave me. Should you be discovered here aud^ 
at this hour, how would the w^orld 

Ard. I must carry her off by a coup de main. 
At lovers perjuries — (aside) — you alarm yourself 
unnecessarily. Your oruardian sanctions, nay, 
has desired this visit — he has obtained tidings of 
your parents. 

Adoh Ah ! of my parents ! oh, where is he ? 

Ard, He has sent me hither, purposely to con- 
duct you to him; this key is witness of my ve- 
racity. 

AdoL Fortunate, unlooked-for occurrence. I 



MONSIEUR TONSON. 35 

little thoui^ht the messenger that call'd my guar- 
dian out just uo'A'^ uas one of so much joy. 
Let's not lo?e a moment. 

jird. Side's mine ! she's mine ! this cote will 
prevent ail unnecessary alarm. [thro7vs note on 
tabu unperceived by Adolphinc ] This way? 
this way, my charmer ! 

[Exeunt Ardourly tvilh Adolphine. 
Enirr Madame Belleojarde. 

Belle. Whore mou enfant Adolphine, that she 
no come for lier supper ? Yat do I see ? If I 
ran believe my eyes, I see her not here I and vot 
mean dis papier :'-^[reads] — *' Ven next you be- 
hold your Ward, siie ^rill be maitresse of de 
House of Tonson."~Mon Dieu ! de pauvre 
child is {^one-^dat Monsieur Tonson has take 
lier. Oh, misericorde ! what a dark night is dis 
— vere Monsieur Jlorbleu? Pauvre enfant? 
pauvre enfant ! Monsieur ! Monsieur I 

.* [Exit, callwg and lamenting p 

SCENE III — Exterior of Morbleu's House, as 
before. 

Enter Kinor in Nap's coat, &c. from Watchhox. 
T. King. Past ten o'clock, and a GasA\^hl 
night! Ail's quiet yet. \ peeps at door.] Eh, 
liere he comes, and not without his errand. He 
has stormed the fort, and now, soldier-like, is re- 
trratirifi: with his ba^55ao:e. 
Enter Ardotirly from House, with Adolphine. 
Ard. [aside to T. King.] I've succeeded— 
she's mine. This way, sweet ^irl — this way I 

T. King. Muni ! he's carried her olT safe 
ctiough — somebody coming ; Til into my box. 

[Exit T. Ki!ig into Box. 



38 inONSIEUR TONSON. 

Enter Nap mth Blunderbuss, 

Nap. There; I've loaded it just enough to 
leave its mark behind it — one mustn't go to kill 
any body. Where's the key, that 1 may take 
my post 10 the garret and wait for this Mr. 
Towi]send~he shall nap the contents of this di- 
rectly he knocks at the door as sure as my name's 
Charley. I shall have plenty of time to cry the 
hour by- arid -by. [Unlocks door ^ and enters house. 

r. King, [from Box.'] Hum ! it's lucky I 
staid ! beware of sprinij^ ^uus ! gad, here's a cus- 
tomer for him As I live, the old Frenchman ; 
snug's the word — 1 smell some mischief. 
Enter Morbleu. 

3for, Diable ! dat it should be all von hoax at 
last, Dat dam Monsieur Tonson is down at de 
bottom of it alh I am so vex, dat I could almost 
shoot myself for de chagrin-— I will get to bed. 
[s:oinar to knotk^ draws back,] Stay.^ vere is 
Monsieur Nap — he may make mistake, and shoot 
me foi dis Tohfou. 

T. King, [nnttlering.] Past twrlve o'clock ! 

Mor. dh, he is dere iii his box ; it is all comme 
il faut ! [knocks at door.] Madame ! Madame 
J3ellrgarde ! 

Nap. \ above,] Aye, aye. Master Townseed — 
you blackgaard, take that. Fro guard here. [Jires 
at Morbleu. 

Mor. Oh, by gar, T am murder ! I am kill— 
dat damn Monsieur Tonson : vatch ! vatch ! — I 
am mort— Madame Bellegarde — Oh dear! oh 
dear ! 

A^ap. Eli ! zounds, what have T done ? I've 
shot Mouiiseer Powder Blue — here's a business ! 
E7iler Tom King,/ro??i Bojt. 

r. King. Ila! ha! ha! It's high time for me 



#/ HONSiEVR TONSOK. 3f 

tx) 1>{5 u?i. [^Pulls P^ Nap's t:o«f, (£'c:r?7 laughing. 

Belle, \_looks out of rvindow,] Dieu me'a 
guaide — quel horror ! 

Mor. I am dead— shot through my body— oh, 
I am dead ! I am dead ! I will no stop in dis 
maison any tnore.^- [Exit Morbleu hastily. Nap 
and Madame at the windows^ holding up 
their hands in astomshrnent. 
SCENE IV. — A Room in th Elephant and Cas- 
tle, Newingto7u 

Enter Suap and VVaiiers, preparing Room. 

Snap. Now, boys, bustle about, the couches 
will be coming in soon — all stop at the Elephant 
and Castle, you know. Get the room ready for 
passengers. 

Fip, (witlwut.) VVailerj Waiter ! 

8nap, This way, sar, this way-this is the parlor. 
Enter Fip. 

Fip, Has there been a French lady here, en- 
quiring for Mr. Fip or Mr. Assigqat.^ 

Snap. No, sar. 

Fip, Theij the Dover coach has not come in yet? 

Sfiap. Not yet, sar. 

Fip, I shall be in the way when it does. 

Snap. Very well, sar. [Exit Snap. 

F^p, Who the deuce is this French lady my 
niavtcr, old Assignat, lias sent me to meet. Some 
nun^ I think he says, coming from Calais; to take 
refuge in thecon; eni at Hammersmith, I suppose 
•--I'm to give lier tiii? letter, and take her to our 
chambers in Paper fiuildl -gs— de tout mon cceur. 
Nolnwycv^s clerk m the kingdom ib more au fait 
at any thing ot this kbd than I am, or cuts a 
V^etter figure , I flatter myself, on eighteen shil- 
lings a week than I io. VV?fl, I'll go and lookv 
M the paper till the coach comes iq. y^ti^W 



38 MONSIEUR TONSON. 

Enter S'\np:shorving in MorMciT. 

Snap^ This way, bar, this >s ili'e parlour, ^^^-- 
plenty of coichfs — Biiglitou, Dover, Ram^•gatc 
— ?ji^y V he;e you like to go to, sar. 

Mor. B^j::ii\ i 1 ke to jio any where, where I 
no w,riii \v!ih tliit (laniit Monsimr Tonson. Oli 
my p.-iiivie hnci;, 1 am ail pepper and tVi^ht. 

Symp* A--, you've not trsatle up your njind whrre 
3^ou'(i please to go, have you made up your mind 
Avhat you'd pi ease lo take, sar ? 

Mor. Eh, bien — ah ! j'ai tres grande faim. I 
shall take one pork sliop. 

Snap. J>nj't thiuk liiere's any to let about this 
neighbouiiiood, s«r. 

Mor. ]Vonse;Js( — ycu nnake de grand mistake. 

Snap. A steak ? very welL sar. 

Mor. Veil, a bteak will do very well, sare, and 
waiter. 

Snap. Steak and water — h -ve Vm directly, sar 
— one on the fue now. Cookey, dish up that 
steak with a glass of water, for the foreigfn gen- 
tleman here, [calling off. 
Enter Fip. 

Fip. Wellj ^vaiter, coach come in yet, eh ? 

Snap. No, sar. 

Fip. llmw*^ then I cjust amuse myself as \\e\\ 
?.s I c^n til! it does ; have you any books of any 
ki[](i ? any of the Poets ? We lawyer's ile ks al- 
wai's pattoijis(: the poet —best judges* in the world. 

Snap, Our ba-rriaid has, I believe, sar; I'll 
get yau one directly. [Exit Snap. 

Mcr. Vat vil pa:-v!C Mad-^me Bellegarde do 
now I leis^e niy e!io;> ? Though slie grande Mar- 
chioness, she must go to the workhouse, nia foi, 
and Madeaioi^elle Adolphi:.e, pauvre enfant \ 



I 



MONSIEUR TONSON, 39 

Enter Snap, with steak and water. 

Snap, Your steak, sar. [to Mot, 

Mor, Tres, bon garcon— I am very faint, sol 
sinall take a 

Snap, Glass of water, sar. [putting it down.] 

Mor, Veil, 1 may have worse ting, so 1 shall 
make myself content with dis. 

Fip, WeJI, waiter, wbere's my book ? 

Snap, Beg- your pardon, sar, here it is. 

Alor, NoiV for one nice piece. 

Fip, Ha ! what have we here ? — the Seasons ! 
— my old favourite, Thompson. 

M(>r, Vot ! Tonson ? 

Fip. Yes, Thompson — don't you admire him I 

Mor, Monsieur Tonson here I — mon Dieu ! den 
he is everj where — at home, and abroad, and 
every place, beside. 1 have leave my house for 
him — I have leave my shop for him, and now ha 
make me leave de country and my steak for him* 
Oh. Monsieur Tonson, Monsieur Tonson ! [going.) 

Fip. Stay, sir, here is some mistake. 

Snap. Pay, sar — you've forgot the steak. 

[Voice without.) Dover coach! — that way, 
ma'am, you'll find the gemman there. 

[iMoibleu, in. atteinpting' to depart kaMily^ 
runs against Mrs. Thompsom, who is enter- 
ing at that 'moment, preceded by waiter. 

Waiter. A room for Mrs. Thompson, here. 

Mor. Diable! Je vous demande mi-le pardons, 
madame ; but dat dam Monsieur Tonson 

Mrs. llio, A countjyman, and pronouncing the 
name of Thompson I Can you give me any in- 
formation of Mr. Thompson, sir? 

Mor, Eh, Diable ! 

Fip. My dear sir, 1 regret that the name of our 
immortal Thomson 

Mor, Immortal ! by gar, he is immortal ; for 
there never will be any end to him — he come at 
all seasons.' 
Fip, Yes ; his Seasons are his noblest wt)rk. lo 



m^m l» ' J. i ■ !i*f-v.V'y f Bt^s.w>y^ ^ 



■40 HONSIFUR TONSON. 

srpite of your dislike, sir, j^on must allow me to say> 
1 think his death was a great loss to the country. 

•Mor. Dead ! what, is Monsieur Tonson dead ? 

J^Irs, Tiio, U it is of Mr. Thompson you are 
speaking:, sir, I believe there is but too little 
doubt on that subject. 

Ftp, No doubt at all, ma'am, I could convince 
you of it in a minute. 

Mor. Den I will ^o back to my shop as^ain ; ha 1 
ha! I am so glad ! Bon jour, madame ! bonjour, 
monsieur! Monsieur Tonsondead! ha! ha! lira la, 
lira la, Monsieur Tonson is dead ! [Exit singing, 

Mrs. Tho. Very strange, the death of m*y hus- 
band should excite such joy in a countryman ! 

Fip. You come from. Calais, I presume ? 

Mrs. Tho. I do, sir. 

Fip, This letter, then, will explain every thing. 

Mrs, 7 horn, [recuh'n^.) '' Madam, agreeably 
to your instructions from Paris, through Monsieur 
Dupin, 1 have caused advertisements to be insert- 
ed in the newspapers^ offerino: a reward for any 
information on the subject of your husband's 
death, hitherto without effect. Respecting the 
young lady, Miss Adoiphine de Courcy, whom 
you enquire about, I have discovered that she 
Jives with a Monsieur Morbieu, a Perruquier, in 
the Seven Dials, whither my clerk will wait to 
conduct you, as also to the residence of your 
humbleservant, Louis Assignat, Paper Buildings, 

May IG, '96." Let me not lose a moment ia 

clasping the dear child in my arms. 

Fip. ril conduct you thither instantly, madam 
-—this way, this way — Fine woman, 'pon my ve- 
racity 1 [Exeunt, 

SCENE THE LAST. 

Exterior of Morbleu's House, 

Enter Morbieu, singing, 
Mor. " Monsieur Tonson is dead!" I will 
open my shop again, {opens simtters.) Madame^ 
Madame Bellogardel {knocks at door,} 




MONSIEUR TONSON* A\ 

Enter Madame Bellegarde. 
Embrassez, enibrassez, madame, Monsieur Ton- 
son is dead ! 

Belle, Ob, monDieu! 11 est possible, monsieur? 

Alor, Oui, oui, madame— it is all true enough. 
Monsieur Tonson is dead as de nail door, and vil 
never trouble us a^ain. We sball live in great 
clover now, and sleep as quiet as the night long. 
So we will go in and have the little drop of the 
white liqueur dat these English call Geneva, and 
drink confusion to Monsieur Tonson. Monsieur 
Tonson is dead ! 

Belle. If we had but Mademoiselle Adolphine 
here, monsieur. 

Mor, N'importe, n'importe ; she shall not be 
lose — de bellman shall run after her very hard to- 
morrow. Come, madame ? [Exeunt into house ^ 
singing and dancing.^ 

Etiter Tom King. 

T.King, Ha! here's the scene of frequent 
mirth. My poor old Frenchman ! I wonder if 
he's at home -egad. Ml knock and see. [knocks*'} 
Mor and Belle, appear at door^ singing, 

Mor. Well, sare — you want to be shave ? 

T, King. Mounseer himself, as 1 live ! Pray, 
«ir, does one Mr. ' homson live here ? 

Mor, Got dam ! — here Monsieur Tonson come 
again ! I am paralize ! 

Belle, Oui; Monsieur Dead ! dis is his ghost ! 
Enter Ardourly and Adolphine. 

Adol, My word is pledged ; unravel the mys- 
tery of my birth, and that moment my hand is 
yours. 

Ard, I swear it !— You are ray cousin ; these 
letters which you have shown me, as the only re- 
lics of your father, are in the writing of my un- 
cle ; the initials, too, correspond, P. T., rere- 
grine Thompson. 

Mor, Two Monsieur Tonsons!! — I am thun-^ 
derstruck ! 

Belle. Dis is de Monsieur Tonson dat steal off 
mademoiselle ! 



A2 



MONSIEUK XONSON. 



Tl Kin^. Jack Ardourly! 

Ard. Tom King — congratulate me 

Enter Rusty cmd Thompson, tiie latter with a 

J\ewspapsr. 
Thorn, I don't care, Rusty.- this is my wife's 
advertisement, and I will anawer it in person. 
Ha ! here is the Frenchman himself. Now, sir, 
Mr. Thompson is not dead. I am Mr. Thomp- 
son, and demand my wife. 

Jlor. Three Monsieur Tonsons ! ! ! Mon 
Dieu ! dere is no end of dem — Your wife is no 

here, I telj you — Your wife is 

Enter Fip and Mrs. Thompson. 
?Yp. This way, madam — this is Monsieur Mor- 
bleu. 
Airs, Thom, Then, sir, you will resolve me at 

once. My name is Thomson 

Alor, Four Tonsorib! ! i! — de world is at one 
end ! 

Mrs. Thorn, I come to claim my child — my 
Adolphine. 

AdoL Ah! my mother! {Embraces her.) 
TkoiH' Rusty- it must be — it is -my wife' 
Mrs. Thorn, My husband : my child I [embrace^; 
Pais. Found his wite ! then he wont want me 
to lock him up. 

Thorn, Ardourly — nephew — you have lost a 
fortune.- 

Ard, But I have gained a wife, sir, by this dis- 
covery, and I am happy. 

T. King. 1 see your hearts are all too full for 
method- let us in, and mutually explain tiiesf 
seeming mysteries : — Mr. Thompson has found a 
wife and daughter — they have found a husband 
and a father — Ardourly has fouad a bride — Mon- 
sieur Mor: leu, here, found out his persecutors — 
but will, I trust, wiih the kind permission of our 
friends, have ample cause to bid our Monsieur 
Tonson welcome, and gently whisper — Come 

again. 

f: library of CONGRESS 



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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 





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